My son was born on February 28th at 8:20 pm.
At that point, my wife had been having contractions for 36 hours, with a 12 hour break in the middle (long story).
Because we weren’t expecting such a long labour (with a break in the middle), a bunch of our family had all gotten together and were waiting.
So me, being the dutiful husband, son, grandson, brother, and uncle, I had the task of keeping the rest of my family updated.
Instead of answering 15 texts every 2 hours all asking, “How’s it going? Is there progress?” I decided to be pre-emptive and text them before they could text me.
However, the idea of sending texts like “3 cm dilated” or “30 second contractions 4-6 minutes apart” or “waiting of the doctor” for hours and hours seemed quite tedious and un-creative.
So, I decided to keep my family updated with haikus. Despite not sleeping for two straight nights, with my right hand I haiku-ed and with my left hand I got squeezed ridiculously hard.
Haikus are a form of Japanese poetry. I exclusively used 3 line haikus, with my only limitations being 5 syllables for the first line, 7 syllables for the second, and 5 syllables for the third.
These are my haikus:
February 27, 6:16pm
Hospital again
Hoping for better results
Ready for baby
February 27, 9:17pm
Contractions again
Let’s get this show on the road
Trying to sleep now
February 27, 10:36pm
Ashley still sleeping
Being checked every hour
Slowly but surely
February 28, 1:30am
Contractions aren’t fun
How do we manage the pain?
Bring on the morphine
February 28, 7:48am
Morning family
Sleep and morphine make good nights
Hoping drip starts soon
February 28, 8:58am
The drip has started
Everyone is doing well
Soon we will meet him
February 28, 10:47am
Slowly but surely
They’re increasing the dosage
Ashley hates haikus
February 28, 11:15am
They don’t make dads food
Who wants to help a dad out?
And bring me lunch?
February 28, 12:30pm
Getting more intense
Hopefully by supper time
I will meet my son
February 28, 12:57pm
The wrong thing to say
“It’s going to get eas’er”
She called me a jerk
February 28, 1:56pm – Kira’s haiku
Baby please come soon
Make this haiku madness end
Please just make it end
February 28, 2:20pm – Kira’s haiku
Just kidding Kyle
New dads should do dad-like things
Keep on haiku-ing
February 28, 3:01pm
Kira likes haikus
Baby’s taking his sweet time
Doc coming soon
February 28, 3:33pm
Daniela is great
She laughs at all my lame jokes
We’re glad she’s here
February 28, 4:07pm
Labour is painful
I’d be whimpering a lot
Ashley is strong
February 28, 4:09pm – Al’s haiku
Go Ash go
We can hardly wait to hug Fred
Luv you lots
February 28, 4:15pm
Al is haiku-ing
He has mad poetry skills
You should haiku too
February 28, 4:24pm – Kira’s haiku
Hey, I haiku too
No love for my writing skills
Now who’s the jerk, yo?
February 28, 5:40pm
I’m banned from haikus
It’s time for me to focus
Time to meet my son
February 28, 8:20pm
Zachary Micah Enns Penner was born.
Key:
Ashley – Wife
Kira – Brother’s girlfriend
Al – My father
Daniela – Our nurse
Fred – What my family called my son before they knew his real name
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